Hugging Longing: Connecting through Broken Hearts

In my early 30s, I found myself working as an associate at a Wall Street law firm, dedicating endless hours to my career. Despite having a lifelong dream of becoming a writer, ambition and the possibility of making partner consumed my thoughts. Little did I know, a pivotal moment was about to unfold.

One day, a senior partner named Steve Shalen delivered news that shattered my aspirations. As I sat there, witnessing him squeezing a stress ball that I wished I had, a mix of emotions overwhelmed me. I felt sorry that Steve had to be the one to break the news, as he truly was a good guy. Bursting into tears right in front of him, I realized it was time to make a change.

Soon after leaving the law firm, I ended a seven-year relationship that had always felt wrong. Suddenly, I found myself in my early 30s, with no career, no love, and no place to call home. It was in this vulnerable state that I fell into a relationship with a musician, a handsome man who composed lyrics by day and sang at the piano with friends at night. Despite his various flaws, I became obsessively attached to him.

One day, a friend asked me what I was longing for, and it was in that moment of clarity that I understood. He represented the writing life I had yearned for since I was a child. He was an emissary from a beautiful world I believed was out of reach. With this revelation, the obsession faded, and I began writing for real.

Today, I want to delve into a state of mind that holds ancient and immense power, a state that is often overlooked in our modern world. C.S. Lewis referred to it as “the inconsolable longing for we know not what,” a state that mesmerized him throughout his life. And I find myself similarly captivated.

Back when I was 22 years old and still in law school, I had a peculiar taste in music. While my classmates found little joy in their playlists, I found solace in bittersweet melodies. They couldn’t understand why I listened to what they called “funeral music.” This comment stuck with me for the next 25 years. I wondered why sad music uplifted me instead of making me sad.

It turns out, I’m not alone in this peculiar affinity for sad music. Many people, especially sensitive souls, feel the same way. Researchers discovered that sad music touches deeply within us, evoking emotions of beauty, wonder, and transcendence. Just think about the numerous musical genres that tap into sorrow, from Spanish flamenco and Portuguese fado to Irish lament, American country, and the blues. Even lullabies, with their heartbreaking melodies, soothe newborns to sleep worldwide. It’s a paradox worth exploring.

And it’s not just music that captivates us; we also hug rainy days, tragic dramas, and fleeting cherry blossoms. These seemingly melancholic elements often hold an inexplicable allure. Why do we sometimes welcome sorrow when we spend most of our time avoiding it? Scholars have debated this question, but I’ve come to believe that, at its core, it’s the state of longing intertwined with joy tinged with sorrow.

Longing is triggered when we encounter something so exquisitely beautiful that it seems to come from another world. It’s why we hold painters and rockstars in such high regard; they bring us a glimpse of that otherworldly magic. Yet, these moments are fleeting, and we yearn to dwell there permanently because we recognize that our current world is deeply flawed.

Despite this, it’s from this longing that our greatest achievements and loves spring forth. Longing fuels our desire to compose “Moonlight Sonatas” and build rockets destined for Mars. It is this shared sense of exile that enables us to empathize with one another. As an 18th-century rabbi named Nahman of Bratslav put it, our broken hearts connect us to each other and to that other world where music originates.

However, modern culture paints a different narrative. It urges us to smile, move on, and avoid the dark times. Positivity is undoubtedly powerful, but our culture’s fixation on constant sunshine can distract us from our rightful heritage. In ancient texts like Homer’s “Odyssey,” longing, or homesickness, propelled Odysseus on his epic journey. Even beloved children’s books feature orphaned heroes, like Harry Potter, who were broken before their stories began.

Longing is also at the heart of many religions worldwide. We yearn for Eden, Zion, and the Beloved, a word used by Sufis to describe God. It was during this time of longing that I met Ken, who would later become my husband. He, too, was a writer, driven by his own yearning for a better world. His experiences in UN peacekeeping negotiations in war-torn regions like Rwanda, Liberia, and Somalia were fueled by this deep longing. Though his dreams of peace remained unfulfilled, his exuberant faith in my writing helped bring my own longing to life.

While we wait for that beautiful world just out of reach, our broken hearts can also serve to connect us. I was moved by the story of Vedran Smailović, the lead cellist of the Sarajevo Opera, who played Albinoni’s “Adagio in G Minor” in a bombed-out bakery during the siege of Sarajevo. Despite the relentless sniper fire, he brought solace to the grieving community. Music became a symbol of resistance and hope amidst the devastation.

In Hebrew, the word for longing, “leh-heesh-toh-kek,” shares the same root as the word for passion. It’s in the place of suffering that we also care deeply. It’s the same place that compels us to ease others’ pain, however we can. And it’s in this place that we vibrate with the incredible beauty of our world.

So, remember, in life’s journey, there are moments of light and moments of darkness. When those dark times come, don’t be surprised. Instead, ask yourself: What are you longing for? Follow that longing, for it points you in the direction of the sacred, the wondrous. You don’t need to believe in ancient deities to recognize the reality of spiritual longing and the sublime that permeates humanity.

Everywhere you look, you’ll find traces of it – in the arched eyebrow of a best friend’s joke, in the vaccines that combat diseases, or in the astonishing architecture of the Golden Gate Bridge. It’s in the surge of love you feel for a cellist who performed a brave act during a war-ravaged time. And it’s here, right now, in this room.

So, follow your longing, and let it lead you to the heart of a perfect and beautiful world.

Sadness has a peculiar way of touching our souls, and for those of us who touch with sensitive emotions, it can be a source of unexpected joy. Have you ever wondered why certain melodies that evoke sorrow can uplift our spirits rather than plunge us into despair? I’ve pondered this question for years, and it’s a fascinating paradox worth exploring.

In my own experience, I discovered that I wasn’t alone in my affinity for melancholic music. Researchers have found that many people associate sad music with emotions of beauty, wonder, and transcendence. It’s a deep connection that runs through various musical genres, from Spanish flamenco and Portuguese fado to the mournful melodies of Irish laments, American country tunes, and the blues. Even the tender lullabies we sing to soothe newborns often carry hauntingly poignant melodies.

But why do we hug these sorrowful sounds? Why do we find solace in rain-soaked days, tragic dramas, and fleeting cherry blossoms that bloom only to fade away? It’s a fascinating question, one that has sparked scholarly debates. Yet, I’ve come to believe that at the core of our longing for sadness lies a unique state of mind.

Longing is a potent force that ignites when we encounter something exquisitely beautiful, something that feels like it’s from another world. It’s in these moments that we are transported, our hearts swelling with a mixture of joy and sorrow. We yearn to live in that enchanted realm permanently, for we are acutely aware of the flaws and imperfections of our current reality.

Artists, painters, and musicians have long been heralded as purveyors of this otherworldly magic. They possess the ability to bring us glimpses of that perfect and beautiful world, even if only for fleeting moments. We celebrate their creations because they touch with the longing we all carry within us.

However, our modern culture often shies away from the darkness and emphasizes the pursuit of constant positivity. While positivity certainly has its merits, we mustn’t disregard the power of hugging our longing and acknowledging the coexistence of light and dark within us.

Throughout history, this state of mind, steeped in longing and the recognition of our exile from a perfect world, has been central to our human experience. In ancient texts like Homer’s “Odyssey,” Odysseus embarked on a great journey driven by his homesickness, his yearning for something lost. Even beloved children’s stories often feature orphaned heroes, their brokenness becoming the catalyst for their transformative journeys.

Religions across the globe also emphasize the significance of longing. We yearn for an Eden, a Zion, a connection to the divine, often referred to as the Beloved. Spiritual traditions recognize the power of this longing, as it propels us to seek the sacred and to find meaning beyond the mundane.

When I reflect on my own journey, I think of meeting Ken, who would later become my husband. Ken carried his own longing, shaped by his experiences in war-torn regions. He had devoted years to UN peacekeeping negotiations, driven by a profound desire for a better world. While his dreams of peace remained unfulfilled, his unwavering faith in my writing helped me manifest my own longing.

Longing connects us, even in the face of broken hearts. It was a powerful image that touched my soul when Vedran Smailović, the cellist of the Sarajevo Opera, played Albinoni’s “Adagio in G Minor” amidst the siege of Sarajevo. In the midst of war’s devastation, his music symbolized toughness and hope, reminding us of the power of human expression even in the darkest times.

So, let us hug the paradox of sadness and joy, for they are intertwined in the fabric of our human experience. When darkness finds us, let us remember that it is through our longing that we have the capacity to create, to empathize, and to connect with one another. Our broken hearts are not a sign of weakness but a testament to our shared longing for a world that transcends our current limitations.

Next time you find yourself moved by a sorrowful melody, let it stir your emotions, awaken your senses, and remind you of the beauty that resides in both the light and the dark. It’s in these moments that we catch glimpses of the sublime, guiding us towards a deeper understanding of our place in the intricate tapestry of existence.

In the intricate tapestry of human existence, there is a profound connection that emerges from our broken hearts. It is through our longing, our yearning for something more, that we find the threads that bind us together. Today, I want to explore this remarkable aspect of our shared human experience.

When we experience heartbreak, whether it’s the loss of a loved one or the shattering of a dream, we enter a state of vulnerability. It is in this vulnerable space that we discover the depth of our emotions and the profound capacity for empathy.

The 18th-century rabbi Nahman of Bratslav aptly stated that our broken hearts serve as bridges, connecting us to one another and to a world beyond our own. In our moments of sorrow, we come to understand the fragility of life, the impermanence that we all face. It is this understanding that allows us to extend compassion and support to others who are navigating their own heartaches.

Through our broken hearts, we can truly empathize with the pain of others. It is as if our own experiences of longing and loss serve as a universal language, transcending barriers of language, culture, and background. In the depths of our despair, we find solace in knowing that we are not alone, that others have felt the weight of sorrow and emerged stronger on the other side.

This connection through broken hearts extends beyond our personal experiences. It touches within the fabric of our collective history and cultural expressions. From ancient texts to contemporary art, literature, and music, we find countless examples of how our longing and shared brokenness have inspired profound works of creativity and beauty.

Consider the moving story of Vedran Smailović, the cellist who, amidst the siege of Sarajevo, played Albinoni’s “Adagio in G Minor.” In the face of relentless sniper fire, his music became a symbol of toughness and hope. It was through his broken heart that he brought solace to a community ravaged by war, reminding us of the power of human expression even in the darkest of times.

It is this inherent longing within us that compels us to seek connection, to reach out to others with kindness and understanding. When we encounter someone else’s pain, we recognize a part of ourselves in their struggle. Our broken hearts become the bridge that allows us to offer support, compassion, and a shared sense of humanity.

So, let us not shy away from our brokenness. Instead, let us hug it as a testament to our capacity for love, toughness, and growth. Through our broken hearts, we discover the profound connections that bind us as human beings. It is in these connections that we find solace, understanding, and the strength to heal and move forward.

As we navigate our own journeys of longing and heartbreak, let us remember that we are not alone. Our broken hearts connect us to one another, weaving a tapestry of shared experiences and emotions. It is through this connection that we can truly understand the power of empathy, compassion, and the human spirit.

May our broken hearts serve as reminders of our interconnectedness and the extraordinary capacity we possess to uplift and support one another. Together, we can transform our brokenness into a force for healing, understanding, and profound human connection.

Have you ever felt a deep yearning within you, a longing that seems to pull you towards something greater? Today, I want to explore the power of following that longing, for it can lead us on a path towards the sacred and the beautiful.

Longing is a universal human experience, an innate feeling that stirs within us and beckons us towards a deeper understanding of ourselves and the world around us. It is a call from our souls, urging us to explore and reveal our true purpose and desires.

When we follow our longing, we embark on a journey of self-discovery. It is a path that may not always be clear or easy, but it is one that holds immense potential for growth, fulfillment, and connection.

Sometimes, our longing manifests in unexpected ways. In my own life, I encountered a moment of clarity when a friend asked me a simple question: “What are you longing for?” It was as if a floodgate opened, and I realized that my longing was rooted in a deep desire to hug the writing life I had always yearned for since childhood.

Following that longing meant stepping away from the safety of my previous career and the familiarity of my relationships. It required courage and vulnerability. But as I embarked on this new path, I discovered a sense of purpose and authenticity that had been eluding me for far too long.

Longing has the remarkable ability to guide us towards what truly matters. It serves as an inner compass, pointing us in the direction of the sacred, the wondrous, and the extraordinary. When we listen to our longing, we tap into a wellspring of inspiration and creativity that resides within us.

However, it’s important to note that following our longing does not guarantee a life free from challenges or setbacks. It’s a journey that may have its share of obstacles and doubts. But it is through these challenges that we learn, grow, and forge a deeper connection with ourselves and the world.

Our longing connects us to something beyond the mundane, something that whispers of a perfect and beautiful world just beyond our reach. It’s a reminder that we are part of a grander tapestry, woven with the threads of our dreams and aspirations.

In our modern culture, there is often a pressure to dismiss or suppress our longing. We are encouraged to “smile and get over it,” to prioritize positivity and productivity above all else. Yet, denying our longing means denying a fundamental part of our humanity.

So, I invite you to hug your longing, to honor it as a guiding force in your life. Take the time to explore what truly touches with your soul. What makes your heart come alive? What brings you a sense of joy, wonder, and purpose?

As you embark on this journey of following your longing, remember that it is not a destination but a continuous exploration. Trust in the process, even when the path seems uncertain. Along the way, you may encounter detours, surprises, and even moments of doubt. Hug them all, for they are part of your unique and transformative journey.

In following your longing, you may discover that the sacred and beautiful world you seek is not external, but an integral part of your inner landscape. It is within you, waiting to be revealed, expressed, and shared with the world.

So, my dear friend, listen to the whispers of your longing. Trust in its wisdom and guidance. It is through following this deep yearning that you will embark on a profound and transformative journey, ultimately leading you to a life imbued with meaning, purpose, and the realization of your true self.

In our journey through life, we are accompanied by a profound force: longing. It is this longing that propels us to seek the sacred and the beautiful, to connect with something greater than ourselves. As we navigate the complexities of our human experience, following our longing becomes a transformative path, leading us to a deeper understanding of who we are and what truly matters.

Through our broken hearts, we find connection and empathy with others who share in the longing. It is in these moments of vulnerability that we recognize the universal threads that bind us together. Our longing becomes a bridge, allowing us to extend compassion, support, and love to those around us.

Hugging the paradox of sadness, we discover the power of sorrowful music to uplift our spirits and touch our souls. It is through the beauty and wonder of such melodies that we connect with the sublime, with emotions that transcend the boundaries of language and culture.

As we follow our longing, we embark on a journey of self-discovery, revealing our true desires and purpose. This path may not always be easy, but it is through the challenges and setbacks that we grow, learn, and find our authentic selves.

In our modern culture that often emphasizes constant positivity and the dismissal of longing, it is crucial to reclaim our innate yearning for something more. By listening to our longing, we tap into a wellspring of inspiration and creativity that resides within us. We honor our unique place in the grand tapestry of existence.

So, my dear friend, I encourage you to heed the whispers of your longing. Hug the path it lays before you, even when uncertainty looms. Trust in the transformative power of following your heart’s desires, for it is through this journey that you will reveal the sacred and beautiful world that resides both within and around you.

Remember, your longing connects you to the shared human experience, reminding you that you are not alone. Together, we can navigate the depths of our emotions, celebrate the beauty in both light and darkness, and forge meaningful connections that improve our lives.

May your longing guide you towards a life of purpose, authenticity, and profound connection. Hug the journey, my friend, for it is in following your longing that you discover the extraordinary possibilities that await you.