Navigating Sexual Situations: Using the ACHE Framework to Prioritize Your Pleasure

The struggle of saying “yes” when unsure in sexual situations

Sexual situations can be incredibly complicated, especially when we’re not entirely sure what we want. As women, we’re often told to prioritize our partner’s pleasure over our own, and this can lead to us saying “yes” when we’re actually unsure or uncomfortable.

In fact, a study of over 7,000 college-aged women found that over 90% reported performing undesired sexual acts just to please a partner. And of those women, over 80% reported prioritizing their partner’s pleasure over their own.

So why do we do this? Well, part of the problem is the lack of examples for having conversations about sex. We’re not taught how to communicate our desires or boundaries, and this can make it incredibly challenging to navigate sexual situations.

Many of us have never been given examples of what a healthy sexual relationship looks like. We’re bombarded with messages from porn and romantic comedies that don’t reflect reality. And even if we were lucky enough to have sex education, we probably didn’t get many examples of how to communicate about sex.

This lack of education can lead to situations where we feel uncomfortable or unsure but don’t say anything. We might not want to disappoint our partner or make things awkward, so we say “yes” when we really mean “no.”

But the truth is, we deserve to have a voice in our sexual experiences. We deserve to prioritize our own pleasure and to feel comfortable communicating our desires and boundaries. And this is where the ACHE framework comes in.

The ACHE framework is a tool that women can use to start a conversation about sex, even when we’re not entirely sure what we want. It stands for Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want.

First, we start by expressing our appreciation for our partner. This can be as simple as saying, “I’m so happy to be here with you right now.” This sets a positive tone for the conversation.

Next, we call out the situation. We say something like, “Let’s talk about what we’re doing here.” This acknowledges that we’re both in this situation and that we both have a say.

Then, we share a little bit about our history with sex. This vulnerability gives our partner an opportunity to understand where we’re coming from and what might be going on for us emotionally.

Finally, we express exactly what we want. This might be something specific, like “I want to keep making out with you,” or it might be more general, like “I’m not sure what I want right now, but I want to take things slow.”

By using the ACHE framework, we create space for us and our partners to share what we need and what we might be afraid to say. We give ourselves permission to speak up and ask for what we want, and we give our partners the opportunity to help us feel good.

In conclusion, saying “yes” when we’re unsure in sexual situations can be a challenging and complicated issue for many women. But with tools like the ACHE framework, we can start to change the conversation about sex and prioritize our own pleasure and desires. Remember, you deserve to have a voice in your sexual experiences, and using the ACHE framework can help you get there.

Importance of speaking up and asking for what we want

As women, we’re often taught to prioritize our partner’s pleasure over our own in sexual situations. But this mindset can lead to us feeling uncomfortable or unsure and not speaking up for what we want.

The truth is, speaking up and asking for what we want is incredibly important in sexual relationships. It allows us to have agency and control over our experiences and to prioritize our own pleasure.

The changing conversation about sexuality, bodies, and pleasure is helping to shift the narrative and enable women to speak up. We’re starting to hear more enabling messages about our sexuality and bodies, and this is giving us the confidence to demand more from our sexual experiences.

One example of this changing conversation is the idea of “If you’re not a hell yes, it’s a no.” This phrase, which originated on social media, emphasizes the importance of enthusiastic consent. It reminds us that we deserve to be wholeheartedly enthusiastic about the sex we’re having and that anything less than a clear “yes” is not acceptable.

However, this idea is incomplete. Sometimes, we might not be a “hell yes” but still want to continue with a sexual encounter. That’s where the ACHE framework comes in. It helps us to start a conversation and express what we want, even when we’re not entirely sure.

Using the ACHE framework, we can communicate our desires and boundaries and ensure that our sexual experiences are positive and fulfilling. We can express our appreciation for our partner, call out the situation, share a bit about our history, and express exactly what we want.

By speaking up and asking for what we want, we create space for open and honest communication in our sexual relationships. We can prioritize our pleasure and feel confident that our needs are being met.

In conclusion, speaking up and asking for what we want is crucial in sexual relationships. It allows us to prioritize our pleasure and take control of our experiences. With tools like the ACHE framework, we can start to have these conversations and demand more from our sexual encounters. Remember, you deserve to have agency and control in your sexual experiences, and speaking up is an important part of that.

The incomplete idea and need for a new framework

The idea that “If you’re not a hell yes, it’s a no” has gained popularity on social media and emphasizes the importance of enthusiastic consent. However, this idea is incomplete and doesn’t provide a framework for how to navigate sexual situations when we’re not entirely sure what we want.

That’s where the ACHE framework comes in. ACHE stands for Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want. This framework provides a roadmap for starting a conversation about sex and expressing our desires and boundaries, even when we’re unsure.

The first step of the ACHE framework is Appreciation. We start by expressing our appreciation for our partner, which sets a positive tone for the conversation. This could be something as simple as saying, “I’m so happy to be here with you right now.”

The second step is to Call it out. We acknowledge the situation and say something like, “Let’s talk about what we’re doing here.” This opens the door for communication and shows that we’re both equal participants in the experience.

The third step is History. We share a bit about our past experiences with sex to give our partner an opportunity to understand where we’re coming from emotionally. This vulnerability can be scary, but it helps to create a deeper connection and allows us to be more honest and open.

Finally, we express Exactly what we want. This could be something specific, like “I want to keep making out with you,” or it could be more general, like “I’m not sure what I want right now, but I want to take things slow.” By expressing what we want, we can ensure that our sexual experiences are positive and fulfilling.

The ACHE framework provides a roadmap for navigating sexual situations when we’re not entirely sure what we want. It allows us to express our desires and boundaries and prioritize our own pleasure. By using this framework, we can create space for open and honest communication in our sexual relationships and feel confident that our needs are being met.

In conclusion, the incomplete idea of “If you’re not a hell yes, it’s a no” highlights the importance of enthusiastic consent but doesn’t provide a framework for navigating sexual situations when we’re unsure. That’s where the ACHE framework comes in, providing a roadmap for starting a conversation about sex and expressing our desires and boundaries. By using the ACHE framework, we can prioritize our own pleasure and create space for open and honest communication in our sexual relationships.

C for Call it out in the ACHE framework

The ACHE framework is a powerful tool for starting a conversation about sex and expressing our desires and boundaries, even when we’re not entirely sure what we want. The framework includes four steps: Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want.

The second step of the ACHE framework is Call it out. This step is all about acknowledging the situation and creating space for open and honest communication.

When we say “Let’s talk about what we’re doing here,” we’re taking control of the situation and expressing our desire to have a conversation about sex. This can be scary, but it’s an essential step in ensuring that our sexual experiences are positive and fulfilling.

By calling it out, we show that we’re equal participants in the experience and that we’re committed to creating a safe and respectful environment for exploring our desires and boundaries.

The Call it out step can also help to ease anxiety and uncertainty. When we’re feeling uncomfortable or unsure, it’s easy to get lost in our own thoughts and emotions. By calling it out, we bring the conversation back to the present moment and create an opportunity for open communication.

The ACHE framework is a powerful tool for navigating sexual situations when we’re not entirely sure what we want. By calling it out and expressing our desire to have a conversation about sex, we can prioritize our own pleasure and ensure that our needs are being met.

In addition to Call it out, the ACHE framework includes two other steps: History and Exactly what you want.

H for History is all about sharing a bit about our past experiences with sex to give our partner an opportunity to understand where we’re coming from emotionally. This vulnerability can be scary, but it helps to create a deeper connection and allows us to be more honest and open.

E for Exactly what you want is about expressing our desires and boundaries. This step could be as simple as saying, “I want to keep making out with you,” or it could be more general, like “I’m not sure what I want right now, but I want to take things slow.” By expressing what we want, we can ensure that our sexual experiences are positive and fulfilling.

In conclusion, the Call it out step of the ACHE framework is essential for starting a conversation about sex and expressing our desires and boundaries. By acknowledging the situation and expressing our desire to have a conversation about sex, we can create a safe and respectful environment for exploring our desires and boundaries. The ACHE framework also includes the History and Exactly what you want steps, which allow us to express our vulnerability and prioritize our own pleasure. By using the ACHE framework, we can create space for open and honest communication in our sexual relationships and feel confident that our needs are being met.

Conclusion

Navigating sexual situations can be challenging, especially when we’re not entirely sure what we want. However, the ACHE framework provides a powerful tool for starting a conversation about sex and expressing our desires and boundaries.

By using the ACHE framework, we can prioritize our own pleasure and create space for open and honest communication in our sexual relationships. The framework includes four steps: Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want.

The Appreciation step sets a positive tone for the conversation by expressing our appreciation for our partner. The Call it out step acknowledges the situation and creates space for open communication. The History step allows us to share our vulnerability and past experiences with sex. Finally, the Exactly what you want step enables us to express our desires and boundaries.

By using the ACHE framework, we can ensure that our sexual experiences are positive and fulfilling. We can also create a deeper connection with our partners and feel confident that our needs are being met.

In conclusion, the ACHE framework is a powerful tool for navigating sexual situations when we’re not entirely sure what we want. By using this framework, we can prioritize our own pleasure, create space for open and honest communication, and feel confident in our sexual relationships.