The Science of Sexual Desire: Understanding the Complexities of Long-Term Relationships and Arousal

The Unattainable Standards of Sex That We Judge Ourselves By

We’ve all heard the phrase “good sex” thrown around in conversations, movies, and books. But what does “good sex” really mean? According to the speaker in the video, many of us have been sold a lie about what good sex should look like. We judge ourselves and our sex lives based on unrealistic standards that have been shaped by popular culture, TV shows, and magazines.

For example, many people believe that they should feel sexual desire out of the blue for their long-term partner frequently. They think that good sex should just happen if they love each other. This idea is pervasive and can be seen everywhere, from movies and TV shows to popular opinion. However, this idea is not entirely true.

The reality is that desire and great sex are not spontaneous occurrences that happen out of the blue. Instead, they are grew and can be available to all of us if we have the knowledge and skills we need to develop them. Unfortunately, we have not been given this knowledge, which is why so many people, especially women, are concerned about their interest in sex.

It’s essential to understand that never feeling like having sex is normal and doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you. Many people in long-term relationships will need to find ways to trigger desire if they want it to feature. This can be done by making small shifts such as turning that peck on the cheek as you leave the house each day into a five-second passionate kiss.

In conclusion, it’s time to challenge the unrealistic standards of sex that we have been sold and focus on growing desire and great sex in our lives.

The gap between new discoveries in sex science and mainstream knowledge

Sex science has made great strides in the last few decades, and yet many of its discoveries have yet to trickle down to the mainstream. The speaker in the video notes that many popular opinions about sex are based on ideas that were brought forward decades ago, and have since been debunked by research.

One example of this is the idea that masturbation makes you go blind, a belief that was prevalent in the early 19th century and is still held by some people today. Another example is the idea that sexual desire should just happen naturally and spontaneously, and that good sex should just happen if you love each other. This belief is so pervasive that it is portrayed in films and TV, and believed by everyone who seeks sex therapy.

However, research has shown that desire does not always come first in a sexual encounter. Arousal, or the body’s physical response to sexual stimuli, can come first and trigger desire. Additionally, many motivations other than desire can lead to having sex, such as wanting to feel close, wanting to show attraction, or wanting to feel alive. Understanding these newer ideas can help people grow desire and improve their sex lives.

Despite these important discoveries, there is still a gap between sex science and mainstream knowledge. The speaker notes that history has shown that real facts about sex and sexuality struggle to cut through a thick fog of moral and social opinion. It is up to all of us to seek out and educate ourselves on the latest discoveries in sex science, so that we can have a more accurate understanding of our own sex lives.

The Decline in Sexual Currency in Long-Term Relationships

Many people in long-term relationships experience a decline in sexual desire for their partner. This decline can be attributed to what the speaker calls a “decline in sexual currency.” Just as a favorite restaurant can lose its appeal if visited too often, sexual encounters with the same partner can become predictable and routine, leading to a loss of desire.

Research shows that this decline in sexual desire is more prevalent in women than men, with a large proportion of women reporting never feeling like having sex out of the blue in a long-term relationship. However, this does not necessarily mean that there is a problem with desire, as arousal can come before desire, and many people experience responsive or triggered desire.

The speaker suggests that for many couples, finding ways to trigger desire is crucial if they want desire to feature in their sex lives. Couples can try small shifts, such as turning a peck on the cheek into a five-second passionate kiss, to help reignite desire. It’s also essential to relate to each other as partners from time to time, not just housemates, co-parents, or friends, to maintain sexual currency in the relationship.

Why women’s desires suffer more than men’s with the same partner over time?

According to the speaker, when sex researchers asked women how often they feel like having sex out of the blue in a long-term relationship, a large proportion of them answered “never” or “almost never.” In fact, women report this so often that it’s considered normal for women to never feel like having sex out of the blue in a long-term relationship. This is what the speaker calls “responsive or triggered desire,” which means that desire basically arrives later to the party once the party’s got started.

The speaker notes that women’s desires suffer more than men’s with the same partner over time, and that’s one of the reasons why 34% of women in the UK report a lack of interest in sex lasting three months or more in the past year. The decline in sexual currency in monogamous relationships can reduce our desire over time for the same person, and that can be a potential pitfall.

However, the speaker emphasizes that never feeling like having sex doesn’t mean there’s a problem with your desire. It’s important for us to understand that and to find ways to trigger desire if we want desire to feature. The speaker suggests that we need to relate to each other as partners from time to time, not just housemates, co-parents, or friends, to raise our sexual currency. We can make a series of small shifts, such as turning that peck on the cheek as you leave the house each day into a five-second passionate kiss, to make all the difference.

Arousal Can Come First and Then Trigger Desire

One of the main takeaways from recent sex science is that the traditional idea of “desire before arousal” is not always accurate. In fact, research suggests that it can be the other way around, where physical arousal can lead to feelings of desire.

The video highlights a study in which participants were shown erotic videos and their physiological responses were measured. Interestingly, even when the participants didn’t report feeling any sexual desire, their bodies still responded with physical signs of arousal.

This can have important implications for individuals who struggle with low sexual desire. Rather than waiting for the desire to come first, they can try engaging in physical activities that could lead to arousal, such as kissing, touching, or watching erotica. By focusing on the physical sensations and allowing them to trigger desire, they may be able to increase their sexual desire and satisfaction.

It’s important to note that this does not mean that desire is always a result of physical arousal, nor does it suggest that individuals should engage in sexual activities they’re not comfortable with. Instead, it simply highlights the complex interplay between physical and psychological factors that contribute to sexual desire.

The importance of triggering desire without pressure

Sexual desire can be elusive, and pressuring oneself or one’s partner can often be counterproductive. According to the speaker in the video, pressuring oneself or one’s partner is one of the biggest mistakes that people make in the bedroom. Pressuring oneself can lead to a decrease in desire, and pressuring one’s partner can lead to a decrease in their sexual satisfaction.

The speaker suggests that instead of putting pressure on oneself or one’s partner, people should focus on creating a relaxed and enjoyable atmosphere. This can involve focusing on sensual pleasure, rather than sexual performance, and engaging in activities that bring pleasure and enjoyment to both partners.

Additionally, the speaker highlights the importance of open communication and empathy in sexual relationships. Partners should communicate their desires and boundaries openly and honestly, without judgment or pressure. This can help create a safe and comfortable space for both partners to explore their sexual desires and preferences.

Ultimately, the speaker emphasizes that sexual desire is complex and multifaceted, and there is no one-size-fits-all solution to increasing it. By prioritizing pleasure, communication, and empathy, individuals and couples can create a fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationship that is unique to them.

Treating our sex lives as a priority to raise our sexual currency

In order to maintain a healthy and satisfying sex life, it is important to prioritize it in our lives. This means making time for it, communicating with our partners about our desires and needs, and actively working to maintain desire and attraction. By doing so, we can increase our “sexual currency” and ensure that we are happy and fulfilled in our intimate relationships.

One way to prioritize our sex lives is to schedule regular “date nights” with our partners where we can focus on each other and intimacy. It is also important to communicate openly and honestly with our partners about our desires and needs, as well as to be open to hearing about theirs. By doing so, we can work together to ensure that our sexual experiences are fulfilling for both partners.

Additionally, it is important to make sure that we are taking care of ourselves outside of the bedroom as well. This means prioritizing self-care and self-love, such as exercising regularly, eating well, and engaging in activities that make us happy and fulfilled. By doing so, we can increase our own confidence and attractiveness, which can in turn lead to more satisfying sexual experiences.

In conclusion, treating our sex lives as a priority is key to maintaining a healthy and fulfilling intimate relationship. By making time for intimacy, communicating openly with our partners, and taking care of ourselves both physically and emotionally, we can increase our “sexual currency” and ensure that we are happy and satisfied in our intimate relationships.

Understanding How Desire Works to Be in Control of Our Sex Lives

Desire is complex and can be influenced by a variety of factors such as stress, medication, and relationship dynamics. By understanding how desire works, we can take control of our sex lives and enhance our overall sexual experience.

One important factor to consider is that desire is not necessarily spontaneous, but can be triggered by various stimuli. It is also important to recognize that desire can be present before physical arousal, and that the two are not always in sync.

In order to improve our sex lives, it is essential to communicate our desires with our partners, and to prioritize our sexual relationships. We can also work to reduce stress and prioritize self-care, which can improve our overall sexual functioning.

Ultimately, by understanding the complexities of desire, we can become more in control of our sex lives and enhance our overall sexual experience.

Conclusion

In conclusion, our society has imposed unrealistic standards of sex, which we often use to judge ourselves and our partners. However, new discoveries in sex science have shown us that there is much more to desire than what we previously thought. It is also essential to recognize that sexual currency can decline in long-term relationships and that women’s desires tend to suffer more than men’s.

Furthermore, arousal can come before desire, and we can trigger desire without pressure. We must treat our sex lives as a priority to raise our sexual currency and understand how desire works to be in control of our sex lives. By doing so, we can have more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experiences that benefit both partners.

It is essential to communicate with our partners openly and honestly about our sexual needs and desires to maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life. We should also hug the idea that there is no “normal” when it comes to sex and that everyone’s desires are unique and valid.

Overall, the information presented in this post serves as a reminder that we must continue to educate ourselves about sex and relationships to lead healthy, fulfilling, and satisfying lives. It is crucial to stay curious, be open to learning new things, and prioritize our sexual well-being.