Silent No More: Enabling Women to Speak Up for What They Want in Bed
The Struggle of Performing Undesired Sexual Acts for the Sake of a Partner
As a society, we have a long way to go in terms of normalizing conversations about sex. The lack of education and examples around sex can lead to silence, which contributes to the struggle that many women face when it comes to performing undesired sexual acts for the sake of a partner.
In the video script, the speaker, who is a sex educator, entrepreneur, and group facilitator, shares that she has heard countless variations of this struggle from over a thousand women in the past few years. In a study of over 7,000 college-age women, over 90% reported that they had performed undesired sexual acts just to please a partner. What’s more, over 80% of those women reported that they prioritized their partner’s pleasure over their own.
Why is this the case? The speaker suggests that it’s because we’ve never been given examples or education about how to have conversations around sex. We don’t see it in porn or romantic comedies, and even if we were lucky enough to have sex-ed, we probably didn’t get many examples of how to have these conversations.
The pressure to please a partner can also come from a fear of disappointing them, making things awkward, or scaring them away. However, the speaker emphasizes that when we speak up and ask for what we want, we create space for ourselves and our partners to share what we need, and what we might be afraid to say.
It’s important to note that this struggle is not unique to the speaker or the women in the study. The speaker shares her own personal experience of having sex when she wasn’t fully ready or comfortable with it, and how it made her feel afterward. This experience is likely relatable to many women who have also felt pressured to perform sexual acts that they weren’t fully on board with.
Overall, the struggle of performing undesired sexual acts for the sake of a partner is a common experience for many women. It’s important to have conversations about sex and to prioritize our own pleasure and desires. When we speak up and ask for what we want, we create a more pleasurable experience for ourselves and our partner.
The Lack of Examples and Education around Having Conversations about Sex
The lack of education and examples around sex is a major contributor to the silence that many women feel when it comes to having conversations about sex. As the speaker in the video script points out, we don’t see examples of healthy conversations around sex in porn or romantic comedies, and even if we were lucky enough to have sex-ed, we probably didn’t get many examples of how to have these conversations.
This lack of education can lead to a fear of having conversations around sex, which can prevent women from speaking up and asking for what they want. The speaker emphasizes that having these conversations is crucial to creating space for ourselves and our partners to share what we need and what we might be afraid to say.
It’s important to note that having conversations around sex isn’t always easy. In fact, it can be quite uncomfortable or awkward at first, especially if you’re not used to talking about these things. However, the speaker suggests that it’s important to push through that discomfort and prioritize your own pleasure and desires.
The lack of education around sex can also contribute to misconceptions and unrealistic expectations around what sex should be like. For example, many people might think that they need to have a mind-blowing orgasm every time they have sex, which can lead to disappointment or shame if that doesn’t happen. However, the speaker emphasizes that sex is about exploration and pleasure, and that it’s okay if it doesn’t always go as planned.
In conclusion, the lack of examples and education around having conversations about sex is a major reason for women’s silence. It’s important to push past discomfort and prioritize our own pleasure and desires, and to remember that sex is about exploration and pleasure, not just achieving a specific outcome.
Women Prioritizing Partner’s Pleasure over Their Own
In addition to the lack of education and examples around having conversations about sex, women often prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own. This can contribute to the struggle of performing undesired sexual acts for the sake of a partner, as the speaker in the video script points out.
The pressure to please a partner can come from a fear of disappointing them, making things awkward, or scaring them away. However, when women prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own, they may end up feeling unsatisfied or uncomfortable with the sexual experience.
The speaker shares that in a study of over 7,000 college-age women, over 80% reported that they prioritized their partner’s pleasure over their own when it comes to sex. This can lead to a lack of communication and a lack of understanding of what each partner wants and needs in a sexual experience.
It’s important for women to prioritize their own pleasure and desires in sexual experiences, and to communicate those desires with their partner. The speaker emphasizes that when women speak up and ask for what they want, they create space for themselves and their partners to share what they need, and what they might be afraid to say.
It’s also important to note that prioritizing your own pleasure and desires does not mean ignoring your partner’s pleasure. In fact, by communicating your desires and needs, you can create a more pleasurable and satisfying experience for both you and your partner.
Overall, women often prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own, which can contribute to the struggle of performing undesired sexual acts for the sake of a partner. It’s important for women to prioritize their own pleasure and desires, communicate those desires with their partner, and create a more pleasurable and satisfying experience for both partners.
Creating Space for Ourselves and Our Partners to Share What We Need
Creating space for ourselves and our partners to share what we need is crucial to having good sex. When we speak up and ask for what we want, we give ourselves and our partners the opportunity to help us feel good and to create a more pleasurable experience for both of us.
As the speaker in the video script emphasizes, it’s important to push past discomfort and prioritize our own pleasure and desires in sexual experiences. This can involve having potentially uncomfortable conversations with our partners, but it can also involve exploring our own bodies and desires on our own.
Creating space for ourselves and our partners to share what we need also involves a level of vulnerability and trust. When we share our desires and needs with our partners, we’re opening ourselves up to their reactions and their potential judgement. However, the speaker reminds us that a partner who is excited to learn what we need to feel good is a partner worth keeping.
It’s also important to remember that creating space for ourselves and our partners to share what we need is a two-way street. Just as we’re asking our partners to listen to our desires and needs, we need to be willing to listen to theirs as well. By creating a safe and open space for communication, we can create a more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experience for both partners.
In conclusion, creating space for ourselves and our partners to share what we need is crucial to having good sex. It involves pushing past discomfort, prioritizing our own pleasure and desires, and a level of vulnerability and trust. By creating a safe and open space for communication, we can create a more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experience for both partners.
A New Framework for Sexual Communication
The phrase “If you’re not a hell yes, it’s a no” has become popularized in recent years as a way to encourage sexual communication and consent. However, as the speaker in the video script points out, this phrase is incomplete in some cases and doesn’t fully capture the complexity of sexual desire and communication.
The speaker introduces a new framework called the ACHE framework, which stands for Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want. This framework is designed to help women get the conversation started around sex, even when they’re not sure what they want yet.
Appreciation involves starting the conversation by sharing something specific that you appreciate about your partner in that moment. This sets a positive and intimate tone for the conversation.
Call it out involves coming right out and saying that you want to talk about the sexual experience you’re having. This can feel awkward or uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to initiate the conversation in order to get out of your head and into the real conversation.
History involves getting vulnerable and sharing a bit about your sexual history to give your partner an understanding of what’s happening for you. This can help to create empathy and understanding between partners.
Exactly what you want involves figuring out at least one thing that might help you feel more comfortable or satisfied in the sexual experience. This could be a specific action or simply asking to take things slower.
By using the ACHE framework, women can create a safe and open space for sexual communication and exploration, even when they’re not sure what they want yet. This can lead to more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experiences for both partners.
In conclusion, the ACHE framework provides a new and more comprehensive approach to sexual communication than the popularized phrase “If you’re not a hell yes, it’s a no.” By using the ACHE framework, women can initiate conversations around sex in a safe and open way, leading to more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experiences.
Using the ACHE Framework to Enable Sexual Communication
The ACHE framework provides a new and more comprehensive approach to sexual communication than the popularized phrase “If you’re not a hell yes, it’s a no.” The framework is designed to help women initiate conversations around sex in a safe and open way, leading to more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experiences.
The first step of the ACHE framework is Appreciation, where you share something specific that you appreciate about your partner in that moment. For example, you might say “I love the way you touch me” or “I appreciate how you’re listening to me right now.”
The second step is Call it out, where you come right out and say that you want to talk about the sexual experience you’re having. This can be uncomfortable at first, but it’s important to initiate the conversation in order to get out of your head and into the real conversation. For example, you might say “Can we talk about what we’re doing right now?” or “I want to talk about what we both want from this.”
The third step is History, where you get vulnerable and share a bit about your sexual history to give your partner an understanding of what’s happening for you. This can help to create empathy and understanding between partners. For example, you might say “In the past, I’ve had experiences where I didn’t feel comfortable and I want to make sure that doesn’t happen again.”
The fourth and final step is Exactly what you want, where you figure out at least one thing that might help you feel more comfortable or satisfied in the sexual experience. This could be a specific action or simply asking to take things slower. For example, you might say “I want to take things slower and explore each other’s bodies more” or “I want to try this new position that I’ve been curious about.”
By using the ACHE framework, women can feel enabled to initiate conversations around sex and communicate their desires and needs to their partner in a safe and open way. This can lead to more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experiences for both partners.
In conclusion, the ACHE framework provides a valuable tool for women to communicate their desires and needs in a safe and open way during sexual experiences. By following the steps of Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want, women can feel enabled to initiate conversations around sex and create more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experiences for themselves and their partners.
Starting the Conversation with the ACHE Framework: Enabling Women to Get What They Want
One of the main benefits of the ACHE framework is that it enables women to start the conversation around sex, even when they’re unsure about what they want. This is because the framework provides a structure for women to express their desires and needs in a safe and open way, without fear of judgment or rejection.
For example, if a woman is unsure about what she wants during a sexual experience, she can use the Appreciation step to express her appreciation for her partner, the Call it out step to initiate the conversation, the History step to share her past experiences, and the Exactly what you want step to explore what might make her feel more comfortable or satisfied in the moment.
By following these steps, women can communicate their needs and desires to their partner without feeling pressured or uncomfortable. This creates a safe space for both partners to express themselves and explore what they both want out of the sexual experience.
Starting the conversation using the ACHE framework can also help women avoid performing undesired sexual acts just to please their partner, and instead prioritize their own pleasure and satisfaction. This can lead to more fulfilling sexual experiences and stronger relationships.
In conclusion, the ACHE framework provides a valuable tool for women to initiate conversations around sex and express their desires and needs in a safe and open way. By following the steps of Appreciation, Call it out, History, and Exactly what you want, women can communicate their needs and desires to their partner without fear of judgment or rejection, and create more pleasurable and satisfying sexual experiences for themselves and their partners.
The Power of Speaking Up: Creating a More Pleasurable Experience for Women and Their Partners
One of the key takeaways from the video is that when women speak up and ask for what they want, they create a more pleasurable experience for themselves and their partner. By communicating their desires and needs, women can ensure that they are fully engaged in the sexual experience and experiencing pleasure on their own terms.
When women prioritize their own pleasure and communicate their needs to their partner, it also creates a more positive experience for their partner. As the video notes, partners who are excited to learn what their partner needs to feel good can contribute to a more fulfilling sexual experience for both partners.
The ACHE framework provides a valuable tool for women to start the conversation and communicate their needs and desires in a safe and open way. By using this framework, women can take control of their sexual experiences and ensure that they are getting what they want out of the experience.
Furthermore, speaking up and asking for what you want can lead to a stronger relationship between partners. When partners are able to communicate openly and honestly about their desires and needs, it can create a deeper level of trust and intimacy in the relationship.
In conclusion, speaking up and asking for what you want is a powerful tool for creating a more pleasurable and fulfilling sexual experience for women and their partners. By using the ACHE framework and communicating openly and honestly, women can take control of their sexual experiences and ensure that they are getting what they want out of the experience, while also strengthening the relationship with their partner.
Conclusion
The issue of women feeling pressured to perform undesired sexual acts and remain silent about their needs and desires is a widespread problem that has persisted for far too long. It is a problem that affects women of all ages, backgrounds, and cultures, and it is a problem that needs to be addressed.
The lack of education and examples surrounding conversations about sex has contributed to this problem. Women have been conditioned to prioritize their partner’s pleasure over their own, leading to a culture of silence and shame around female pleasure.
However, there is hope. The ACHE framework provides a valuable tool for women to start the conversation and communicate their needs and desires in a safe and open way. By using this framework, women can take control of their sexual experiences and ensure that they are getting what they want out of the experience.
Speaking up and asking for what you want is a powerful tool for creating a more pleasurable and fulfilling sexual experience for women and their partners. By communicating openly and honestly, women can take control of their sexual experiences and create a deeper level of trust and intimacy in their relationships.
It is time to break the cycle of silence and shame around female pleasure. It is time to enable women to speak up and ask for what they want, to prioritize their own pleasure, and to create a more positive sexual experience for themselves and their partners.
So to all the women reading this, know that your pleasure and desires matter. Know that you have the power to speak up and take control of your sexual experiences. And to all the partners reading this, know that by listening to and prioritizing your partner’s needs and desires, you can create a more fulfilling and satisfying sexual experience for both of you.
Let us work together to create a more sex-positive culture, one where women’s pleasure is valued and prioritized.
